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Hilchos Ishus · Perek 21Ishus · Ch. 21
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Work, nursing, and care after divorce

Household work and personal services, nursing obligations, and children’s support and residence after divorce.

פרק כא18 halachosThursday, September 17, 2026ו׳ בתשרי תשפ״ז◷ Estimated study time: 65–85 min

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הלכה א

A Wife’s Earnings and the Work Determined by Local Custom

An article a wife finds and the earnings of her work belong to her husband.

A found article here means one that the finder may lawfully retain; this does not remove any obligation to return lost property. The Sages assigned such finds to the husband to prevent resentment within the household, given his responsibility to support his wife. His entitlement to her earnings follows a separate arrangement: those earnings were granted to him in exchange for his obligation to maintain her. Maintenance means the support owed for her living needs; in the food provisions discussed in this chapter, it refers particularly to her nourishment.

What work must she do for him? This is determined by local custom.

The obligation is not defined by one occupation for every household. The customary work of women in that place determines the kind of work required.

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Where women customarily weave, she weaves; where they embroider, she embroiders; where they spin wool or flax, she spins.

Spinning turns fibers into thread or yarn; weaving interlaces threads to make fabric.

If the women of the city customarily perform all these kinds of work, he may require her only to spin wool,

Where all these occupations are customary, he cannot insist that she perform weaving or embroidery rather than wool spinning. Spinning wool satisfies the work requirement described here.

because flax harms the mouth and lips,

and spinning is the craft particularly associated with women, as it is stated: “Every woman skilled of heart spun with her hands” ( 35:25).

Synopsis

A husband is entitled to his wife’s eligible finds and earnings. Local custom determines her work; where all the listed occupations are customary, he may require only wool spinning.

הלכה ב

Additional Earnings and the Limits of Required Work

If she exerted herself and produced more than was required of her, the surplus belongs to her husband.

This additional effort can be understood in two ways: working beyond the customary hours, or performing several tasks at once. Under the ’s ruling, the resulting surplus belongs to the husband even though it exceeds her required output.

This determines who receives the additional earnings when she makes the extra effort; it does not establish that she must work those additional hours or perform several tasks simultaneously.

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If he had considerable wealth—even if they had several maidservants—she may not remain idle without doing any work at all,

“Maidservant” here translates , referring to a female slave in the historical legal setting of these laws. References later in the chapter to purchasing a maidservant concern that status, rather than hiring an employee.

because idleness leads to sexual misconduct.

The requirement here is not based solely on the household’s financial needs. Even when those needs are met through wealth and servants, the requires some work because of the harmful consequences he associates with complete idleness.

Nevertheless, she is not compelled to work throughout the entire day. Rather, the greater the wealth, the less work she must do.

The obligation to remain occupied does not justify demanding a full day’s labor regardless of circumstances. Wealth reduces the amount of required work, even though it does not eliminate work altogether.

Synopsis

Under the ’s ruling, earnings produced through extra effort belong to the husband. Wealth reduces a wife’s required workload but does not remove the requirement to do some work.

🔎Dig DeeperAdditional Earnings and the Limits of Required Work

Additional Earnings and the Limits of Required Work

Who Receives Earnings Produced Through Extra Effort?

The records an practice that differs from the ’s ruling: a wife was not required to turn over the additional earnings she produced beyond her required work.

The distinction concerns the surplus earned through exceptional effort, rather than the ordinary earnings covered by the basic arrangement. The Rambam assigns that surplus to the husband as well; the practice recorded by the Bayit Chadash allows the wife to retain it.

Sources: Bayit Chadash, 80.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
Live ItGive free time a purpose

Give free time a purpose

The distinguishes between reducing a person’s workload and removing purposeful activity altogether. Greater financial resources allow for less work, but complete idleness remains undesirable. Having fewer demands on our time gives us choices about how to use it.

A quiet evening can offer needed rest and room for something meaningful. We might spend a few unhurried minutes with a child instead of letting the whole evening slip away. The point is not to fill every spare moment with another obligation. It is to notice the time available and choose something we would be glad to have made room for.

Try today

Choose one free interval today and decide on one worthwhile, manageable way to use it.

Suggested reflection on 21:2.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Bring the daily learning into life
הלכה ג

A Vow Preventing Work and Personal Service Within Marriage

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If a man imposes a vow preventing his wife from doing any work at all, he must divorce her and pay the amount due under her ,

A husband cannot prohibit his wife’s work merely by declaring that she may not work. This ruling concerns a legally effective vow whose conditions prevent her from working (, 80:7).

The is the marriage document recording financial obligations toward the wife, including a payment due upon divorce or the husband’s death. Here, the restriction requires him to end the marriage while meeting his financial obligation to her; it does not cause her to forfeit that payment.

because idleness leads to sexual misconduct.

The vow would impose the complete inactivity rejected in the preceding . She is not required to remain in a marriage under a restriction that exposes her to this consequence.

Every wife also washes her husband’s face, hands, and feet,

pours his cup, and prepares his bed,

Preparing her husband’s bed is included among the personal services associated with closeness between the spouses. The ’s wording, “makes the bed for him,” emphasizes his bed. Whether the obligation also includes other household beds is a separate question discussed by the commentaries.

and attends to her husband—for example, by bringing him water or a utensil, removing something from before him, and performing similar services.

She is not, however, required to attend to his father or his son.

This obligation is owed to her husband personally. It does not extend to providing the same personal service to his relatives.

Synopsis

A husband whose vow prevents his wife from doing any work must divorce her and pay her . A wife’s personal services to her husband do not extend to his father or son.

הלכה ד

Personal Services That Remain With the Wife

She performs these tasks herself.

“These tasks” refers to the personal services listed in the preceding : washing her husband’s face, hands, and feet, pouring his cup, preparing his bed, and attending to him.

Even if they had several maidservants, these tasks are performed for the husband by his wife herself.

These services express the couple’s personal closeness. Their purpose therefore remains even when servants can perform the household’s other work.

Synopsis

The personal services listed above remain the wife’s responsibility even when the household has several maidservants, because they express closeness between the spouses.

הלכה ה

Household Work in a Family of Limited Means

There are additional tasks that a wife performs for her husband when they are poor. These are:

Unlike the personal services in the preceding , these household duties depend on the couple’s financial circumstances. The following specifies which duties fall away when they have servants or the means to obtain them.

baking bread in the oven;

instituted that a woman should rise early to bake, so that bread would be available for the poor;

cooking the food, washing clothes, and nursing her child;

placing straw before his animal, but not before his cattle; and attending to the grinding.

“His animal” refers here to the animal he rides. The obligation described does not extend to feeding his cattle.

How does she attend to the grinding? She stays by the mill and watches over the flour,

urging on the woman doing the grinding, or driving the animal, so that the mill does not stop working.

Where another woman operates the mill, she supervises the flour and urges the worker onward. Where an animal powers it, she drives the animal to keep it moving. The duty described here is therefore to oversee and maintain the grinding operation. The next clause addresses places where women customarily operate a hand mill themselves.

If women customarily grind with a hand mill, she does the grinding herself.

Synopsis

In a household of limited means, the wife performs the additional domestic tasks listed here. Her role in grinding depends on the method used and local custom.

Live ItMake kindness part of the routine

Make kindness part of the routine

’s enactment connects baking bread with the needs of the poor: baking early makes bread available when someone needs it. Concern for another person becomes part of how an ordinary household task is organized.

We can look for kindness within things we already do. Before going shopping, we might ask a neighbor who has difficulty getting out whether they need anything. Helping does not always require a separate project or a large commitment. Sometimes a small addition to an existing plan is enough. Asking first helps us offer what the person actually needs, rather than what we assume would help.

Try today

Choose one errand already on your schedule and ask whether a small addition could help someone else.

Suggested reflection on 21:5.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Bring the daily learning into life
הלכה ו

How Household Means Reduce a Wife’s Duties

When does this apply? When the couple is poor.

This refers to the additional household tasks listed in the preceding . The exemptions that follow depend on whether the household has a maidservant or enough resources to obtain one.

But if she brought him one maidservant, or property sufficient to purchase one,

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or he already had one maidservant, or enough money to purchase one—

The resources may come from either spouse. The exemption does not depend on the wife having brought a maidservant into the marriage, nor does it require that a maidservant actually be purchased; sufficient financial means also qualify.

she is not required to attend to the grinding, bake, wash clothes, or place straw before his animal.

At this level of means, these four duties fall away. Cooking and nursing her child remain among her obligations.

If she brought him two maidservants, or property sufficient to purchase two,

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or he already had two maidservants, or had the means to purchase two—

she is not required to cook or nurse her child. Instead, she gives the child to a maidservant to nurse.

The ruling exempts her from nursing; it does not prohibit her from choosing to nurse her own child.

These exemptions are added to the four already listed. Having the resources for two maidservants therefore removes all six of the additional household duties, but does not remove the personal services or the requirement to do some productive work discussed earlier.

Synopsis

Having one maidservant, or the means to obtain one, exempts the wife from four household tasks. Having two, or the means to obtain two, also exempts her from cooking and nursing.

הלכה ז

The Two Categories of a Wife’s Work

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Thus, there are five tasks that every wife performs for her husband:

spinning, washing his face, hands, and feet, pouring his cup, preparing his bed, and attending to him.

This summarizes the duties that wealth and maidservants do not eliminate. The earlier qualifications still apply: local custom determines the productive work, and greater wealth reduces the amount required. The remaining services express personal closeness between the spouses.

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There are six tasks that some wives perform and others do not:

attending to the grinding, baking, cooking, washing clothes, nursing, and placing straw before his animal.

Whether these duties apply depends on the household’s means, as explained in the preceding . They are not a matter of each wife choosing which tasks to undertake.

Synopsis

Five duties remain despite the household’s wealth, subject to the earlier qualifications. Six additional duties depend on whether the household has maidservants or the means to obtain them.

הלכה ח

Personal Services While a Wife Is a

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A wife who is a performs the same tasks for her husband that she ordinarily performs—

A is a woman whose ritual status prohibits marital relations until she completes the required purification process. This status does not generally suspend her household duties.

except for pouring his cup, preparing his bed, and washing his face, hands, and feet.

This is a preventive decree against arousing desire, lest he come to have marital relations with her.

These particular services are associated with intimacy. The restriction therefore concerns the closeness they may create, rather than the physical effort involved.

Accordingly, while she is a , she may prepare his bed when he is not present.

Doing this outside his presence avoids the personal gesture of preparing his bed before him.

She may also pour his cup, but she does not place it in his hand as she ordinarily does.

Instead, she places it on the ground or on a utensil, and he takes it himself.

The cup is set down for him to take rather than handed directly to him, and the service is performed differently from her usual practice. No corresponding permission is given here to wash him, since physical contact between them is prohibited while she is a .

Synopsis

Most duties continue while a wife is a . Certain intimate services are restricted; the permits preparing his bed outside his presence and serving his cup in the altered manner described.

הלכה ט

Exemption for Household Articles Broken During Work

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A wife who breaks utensils while performing her work in her home is exempt from paying for them.

This exemption does not follow from the ordinary law; it is a rabbinic enactment.

Ordinary liability for damage would require payment. The Sages established an exemption here because of the effect that such liability would have on the household.

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For without this rule, there would never be peace in the home.

Instead, she would become overly cautious and refrain from much of the work, leading to quarrels between them.

The concern is not only an argument over a particular broken utensil. Fear of having to pay for breakage could discourage her from doing the work itself, creating ongoing conflict. The exemption removes that source of tension.

Synopsis

The Sages exempted a wife from paying for utensils broken during her household work, so that fear of liability would not impede the work and undermine peace at home.

🔎Dig DeeperExemption for Household Articles Broken During Work

Exemption for Household Articles Broken During Work

Does the Exemption Apply Only During Household Work?

The notes a difference in wording. The describes utensils broken during household work, which could suggest that the exemption is limited to that setting. The , as quoted by the , describes breakage within the home without specifying that she was working.

He understands this broader wording as suggesting that the exemption applies even when she was not performing household work at the time.

Sources: Chelkat Mechokek, 80:29.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
Live ItLeave room for ordinary mistakes

Leave room for ordinary mistakes

The Sages exempted a wife from paying for utensils broken during her household work. The explains that fear of liability could make her reluctant to help, leading to conflict. How mistakes are handled affects people’s willingness to contribute.

When a child drops a plate while clearing the table, the mess can overshadow the effort to help. A calm response can make it easier for the child to try again. We can acknowledge the effort, put things right together, and discuss greater care when needed. Making room for ordinary mistakes helps people feel comfortable participating while they are still learning.

Try today

When a small mishap happens while someone is helping, acknowledge their effort before addressing the problem.

Suggested reflection on 21:9.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Bring the daily learning into life
הלכה י

Enforcing Household Duties and Clarifying a Dispute

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If a wife refuses to perform one of the tasks she is obligated to do—

she is compelled to perform it, even by means of a whip.

explains that this refers to enforcement by the court, not permission for a husband to strike his wife. The husband brings the matter before the judges, who determine whether such enforcement is warranted. Other authorities dispute the use of corporal punishment, as discussed below.

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If he claims that she is not performing her duties, while she says, “I am not refusing to perform them”—

a woman, or neighbors, are placed among them to observe.

The dispute concerns what is actually happening in the home. An observer can clarify whether she is neglecting the duties that apply to her.

The judge arranges this in whatever manner he considers feasible in the circumstances.

The method of establishing the facts is left to the judge’s discretion. The explains that she is not required to swear an oath in response to the accusation: repeated complaints followed by repeated oaths would themselves undermine peace in the home ( 80:28).

Synopsis

The provides for compelling the performance of obligatory duties. When the spouses dispute whether those duties are being performed, the judge arranges observation suited to the circumstances.

🔎Dig DeeperEnforcing Household Duties and Clarifying a Dispute

Enforcing Household Duties and Clarifying a Dispute

A Dispute Over the Means of Enforcement

The rejects corporal punishment as a means of enforcing these duties. He proposes reducing the wife’s maintenance until she agrees to perform them. The gives other possibilities: a court-imposed ban restricting communal association, or selling her future right to receive the payment and using the proceeds to hire household help.

These authorities distinguish between recognizing an enforceable obligation and deciding which methods may be used to enforce it. Their disagreement concerns the remedy, rather than whether the household duties exist.

The states that she is compelled to perform her duties but does not specify corporal punishment. The records the differing approaches.

Sources: Ra’avad, gloss to 21:10; Rashba, as cited by the Rama; and Rama, 80:15.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
הלכה יא

A Nursing Mother’s Workload, Food, and Physical Needs

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For as long as a wife is nursing, the amount of work required of her is reduced,

and her maintenance is increased to include wine and foods beneficial to her milk.

Her obligations and provisions are adjusted together: nursing reduces the work expected of her and increases what her husband must provide for her nourishment. The foods mentioned here reflect the nursing provisions described by the .

If suitable provisions have been allotted to her, but she desires to eat more or to eat other foods,

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because of an ailment in her stomach that produces a craving—

she may eat whatever she wishes at her own expense.

The case concerns a craving associated with physical distress, not merely a preference for a different menu. Since appropriate maintenance has already been provided, the additional food described here is purchased from her own funds.

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Her husband cannot prevent her by arguing that if she overeats or eats harmful food, the child will die—

because relieving her own bodily suffering takes precedence.

The gives priority here to the mother’s bodily suffering despite the husband’s concern about the nursing child. The scope of this ruling is disputed. The questions how her discomfort could justify even possible danger to the child when she herself is not endangered. This distinction between physical distress and danger to life is essential to the discussion below.

Synopsis

A nursing wife receives additional nourishment and a reduced workload. The permits her to purchase additional food to relieve bodily suffering despite her husband’s objection; the commentators dispute the application of this ruling where the child may be endangered.

🔎Dig DeeperA Nursing Mother’s Workload, Food, and Physical Needs

A Nursing Mother’s Workload, Food, and Physical Needs

Distress and Danger Are Not the Same

The questions the ’s ruling about giving priority to the mother’s physical distress. In the , Rabbi Yosef Caro records both the Rambam’s position and a dissenting view.

The identifies the distinction that must be addressed: discomfort is not equivalent to danger to life. If the child faces possible danger while the mother experiences distress without danger, he challenges allowing her to put the child at risk. If her own life is also endangered, her life takes precedence.

The disagreement therefore cannot be explained simply by saying that the mother’s needs always outweigh the child’s. The nature and seriousness of each person’s condition matter.

Sources: Kessef Mishneh, 21:11; , 80:12; Chelkat Mechokek, 80:22.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
Live ItAdjust expectations when responsibilities grow

Adjust expectations when responsibilities grow

The pairs a nursing mother’s added responsibility with less work and more nourishment. The care she gives her child changes both what is expected of her and the support she receives.

We can notice when someone’s responsibilities have grown but our expectations have stayed the same. A spouse caring for a baby or a friend helping an ill parent may still be carrying all their usual tasks. Alongside appreciating their effort, we can ask what would make their day more manageable. Taking over a recurring task can make that appreciation practical.

Try today

Offer to take one specific task off the hands of someone carrying an extra responsibility.

Suggested reflection on 21:11.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Bring the daily learning into life
הלכה יב

Nursing Twins or Another Woman’s Child

If she gave birth to twins, she is not compelled to nurse both of them.

Instead, she nurses one, and her husband hires a wet nurse for the other.

A wet nurse is another woman who breastfeeds the child. Even where the mother is obligated to nurse, the birth of twins does not double that obligation; the husband must arrange and pay for the second child’s nursing.

If a wife wishes to nurse another woman’s child together with her own,

her husband may object and allow her to nurse only his own child.

The first case limits what she can be required to undertake. This case addresses an additional nursing commitment she wishes to accept voluntarily: she cannot insist on nursing the other child over her husband’s objection.

Synopsis

A mother of twins is required to nurse only one, while her husband hires a wet nurse for the other. He may also object to her nursing another woman’s child alongside their own.

🔎Dig DeeperNursing Twins or Another Woman’s Child

Nursing Twins or Another Woman’s Child

Does the Obligation Extend to Both Twins?

maintains that the mother is obligated to nurse both twins. The instead limits her required nursing to one child and assigns the expense of a wet nurse for the second to the father.

The practical difference is who must provide the additional nursing: under the Rambam’s ruling, the father cannot require the mother to nurse both children in order to avoid hiring help.

The cites the ’s rejection of requiring her to nurse both twins, since other authorities disagree with Rabbenu Asher. He also suggests that the ’s wording may describe appropriate conduct when she is able, rather than an enforceable obligation.

Sources: Rama, 80:13, citing the in the name of Rabbenu Asher; Chelkat Mechokek, 80:23.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
הלכה יג

A Vow Not to Nurse and a Mother’s Choice to Nurse

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If she vowed not to nurse her child—

he may compel her to nurse the child until the age of twenty-four months, whether the child is a boy or a girl.

This concerns a wife to whom the nursing obligation applies. Nursing is included in her marital obligations, and the vow does not release her from that existing duty. The exemptions described earlier remain in place.

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If she says, “I will nurse my child,” but her husband does not want his wife to nurse because he wishes to prevent her appearance from being diminished—

her wishes are followed, even if she has several maidservants,

because being separated from her child causes her distress.

In this context, the separation means giving up nursing her child, not necessarily removing the child from her home.

Having maidservants can exempt her from the obligation to nurse, but it does not deprive her of the choice to do so. Her husband’s concern for her appearance does not override the distress she would experience by giving up nursing her child.

Synopsis

A wife who is obligated to nurse cannot free herself of that duty through a vow. A mother who wishes to nurse may do so despite her husband’s objection concerning her appearance, even when maidservants are available.

🔎Dig DeeperA Vow Not to Nurse and a Mother’s Choice to Nurse

A Vow Not to Nurse and a Mother’s Choice to Nurse

Another Explanation of the Mother’s Distress

The describes the distress of separation from her child. , commenting on the , explains the mother’s pain in physical terms: when a woman has milk but does not nurse, the accumulated milk causes discomfort. These explanations help clarify why her wish to nurse is upheld: refusing her request can cause her pain.

Sources: Rashi, 61a, s.v. צערא דידה הוא.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
הלכה יד

A Husband’s Means Determine His Wife’s Nursing Exemption

If she was poor and would therefore be obligated to nurse,

but he was wealthy enough that it was fitting for his wife not to have to nurse,

Her own financial background would ordinarily place nursing among her duties. Marriage to a husband whose means justify providing a wet nurse changes what may be required of her.

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then, even if he has no maidservants, if she does not wish to nurse—

he must hire a wet nurse or purchase a maidservant.

The exemption depends on the level of provision appropriate to his means, not on whether he has already obtained household help. If she chooses not to nurse, he must arrange an alternative.

For a wife rises with her husband’s standing and does not descend.

Marriage entitles her to the higher standard associated with her husband’s circumstances; it does not require her to accept a lower standard than the one to which she is entitled. Here, her poorer background does not allow him to demand nursing that his own financial standing would otherwise exempt her from performing.

Synopsis

A wealthy husband must provide a wet nurse or maidservant if his wife does not wish to nurse and his means warrant that exemption, even if she came from a poor household.

הלכה טו

Establishing Entitlement to Household Help

If she says, “His circumstances warrant hiring or purchasing a maidservant,”

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and he says, “My circumstances do not warrant it”—

The disagreement concerns whether his financial circumstances justify requiring him to provide the household help described above.

she must bring proof,

and no oath is required in this case.

Her assertion alone does not establish the entitlement, and his denial does not require him to take an oath. Unless she establishes her claim with evidence, the court does not require him to provide the disputed household help.

Synopsis

When the spouses dispute whether the husband’s circumstances warrant household help, the wife must prove her claim; the husband is not required to take an oath.

הלכה טז

Nursing After Divorce and a Child’s Dependence on His Mother

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A divorced woman is not compelled to nurse her child.

The nursing obligation described earlier was part of her obligations within marriage. Divorce ends that obligation, subject to the exception below when the child has become dependent on nursing from her.

Rather, if she wishes to nurse, he pays her for doing so, and she nurses the child.

The payment is for nursing, rather than maintenance owed to her as a wife. The father’s responsibility to provide for his child continues after the divorce.

If she does not wish to nurse, she gives him his child, and he cares for the child.

She may decline to provide the nursing herself and place responsibility for arranging the child’s care with the father.

When does this apply? When she has not nursed the child long enough for the child to recognize her.

The distinction is whether the child has developed a particular dependence on her as the nursing mother. Once that dependence exists, replacing her may endanger the child.

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But if the child recognizes her—even if the child is blind—

Recognition does not require sight. A blind infant can recognize the mother through her smell and the taste of her milk.

the child is not separated from the mother, because of the danger to the child.

The concern is that separation from the familiar nursing mother could cause distress and weakness. explains that the infant may refuse to nurse from another woman, leaving the child without nourishment (, 59b).

Instead, she is compelled to nurse the child for payment until the age of twenty-four months.

This obligation arises from the danger to the child, not from the former marriage. She therefore remains entitled to payment even though she cannot refuse to nurse.

Synopsis

A divorced mother ordinarily chooses whether to nurse for payment. If the child recognizes and depends on her, she must continue nursing for payment until the age of twenty-four months because separating them could endanger the child.

הלכה יז

Support and Custody After Divorce

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A divorced woman is not entitled to maintenance, even while she is nursing his child.

Divorce ends her entitlement to support as a wife. Nursing his child does not restore that entitlement; she receives payment for nursing, as stated in the preceding .

He must, however, provide her, in addition to her nursing payment, with what the child needs: clothing, food, drink, oil for anointing, and similar necessities.

Anointing means applying oil to the body. The nursing payment compensates her for nursing; it does not include all the child’s other expenses, which remain the father’s responsibility.

A pregnant divorced woman, however, receives nothing.

Pregnancy alone does not entitle her to maintenance from her former husband or to the nursing payment discussed here. This statement concerns those forms of support; it does not cancel other financial rights arising from the divorce, such as her .

- -

When the child’s nursing period has ended and she has weaned him, if the divorced mother wishes her son to remain with her—

Weaning means ending breastfeeding.

he is not separated from her until he is six full years old.

Rather, his father is compelled to provide his maintenance while he remains with his mother.

The child’s residence and the responsibility for his support are separate matters. Living with his mother does not release his father from supporting him during these years.

Before age six, the father has a specific obligation to support his child, independent of the charity obligation discussed later. After that age, the legal basis and means of enforcing support differ. This explains why the following rulings discuss the father’s financial means and support through charity ( 12:14–15).

After the age of six, the father may say, “If he lives with me, I will provide his maintenance,

but if he lives with his mother, I will give him nothing.”

The permits the father at this stage to condition support on the son living with him. The questions whether the mother’s willingness to support the child would itself allow her to keep him against the father’s wishes. He tentatively explains the ruling as addressing a son who refuses to leave his mother, in which case the father may decline to support him there.

A daughter remains with her mother, including after the age of six.

Unlike the rule for a son, reaching six does not change the daughter’s placement with her mother. The explanation given is that her mother is better situated to guide her upbringing as a girl. The qualifies that this arrangement depends on the court’s assessment of the daughter’s welfare. If the court considers her father’s household a better setting for her, the mother cannot insist that the daughter remain with her.

Synopsis

A divorced mother receives nursing payment and provisions for the child, but not maintenance as a wife. A son may remain with her until he reaches age six while his father supports him; afterward, the permits the father to condition support on the son living with him. A daughter generally remains with her mother beyond six, subject to the court’s assessment of her welfare.

🔎Dig DeeperSupport and Custody After Divorce

Support and Custody After Divorce

How Can the Father Educate a Son Who Lives With His Mother?

The challenges the ruling that a young son remains with his mother. A father must begin educating his son before the age of six; how can he fulfill that responsibility if the child lives elsewhere?

The answers that the teaching required at this young age can take place when the father visits. Residence with the mother therefore does not, by itself, prevent the father from fulfilling his educational obligation.

Sources: Ra’avad and Maggid Mishneh, 21:17. Also cited in the main explanation: , 82:9; , 82:7.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
הלכה יח

Supporting a Daughter in Her Mother’s Home

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How does this work? If the father has sufficient means to be obligated to give charity—

This continues the ruling that a daughter remains with her mother after the age of six. The question is how her support is provided while she lives there.

the appropriate amount is collected from him even against his will, and she is supported while living with her mother.

Here the obligation is enforced on the basis of charity and the father’s means. The daughter’s residence with her mother does not prevent the court from requiring him to contribute to her support.

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Even if the mother marries another man, her daughter remains with her,

and her father supports her as an obligation of charity until his death.

The mother’s remarriage does not, by itself, transfer responsibility for the daughter’s support from her father to her stepfather.

“Until his death” distinguishes support during his lifetime from support out of his estate afterward. It does not mean that every daughter remains entitled to support indefinitely regardless of her circumstances.

After his death, she is supported from his estate under the conditions of the , while remaining with her mother.

The legal basis changes after the father’s death: during his lifetime, the support described here rests on charity; afterward, it rests on the provision for daughters included in the arrangements. Her entitlement remains subject to the conditions governing a daughter’s support from the estate ( 19:10, which sets the limits of that entitlement).

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If the mother does not wish her children to remain with her after she has weaned them, whether they are boys or girls—

she may make that choice and give them into their father’s care,

The preceding rules allow the children to remain with their mother in the circumstances described. They do not require her to keep them in her home after weaning.

or, if they have no father, place them in the community’s care, and the community attends to them.

The children’s care must then be undertaken by the community. The question of whether a mother with financial means must contribute to their support is discussed below.

Synopsis

A father with sufficient means supports his daughter through charity while she lives with her mother, even after the mother remarries. After his death, support comes from his estate under the provisions. A mother may decline to keep her weaned children in her home, placing them with their father or, if there is no father, in the community’s care.

🔎Dig DeeperSupporting a Daughter in Her Mother’s Home

Supporting a Daughter in Her Mother’s Home

Care in the Home and Financial Support

The understands the closing ruling as indicating that the mother is not obligated to raise the children.

The distinguishes between personally raising them and providing financial support. If she has sufficient means, she must provide for their support rather than transfer that expense to the community. Nevertheless, she need not keep them in her home, since that could hinder her prospects of remarriage.

According to this approach, permission to place the children in someone else’s care does not necessarily remove a financial responsibility toward them. This qualification is not stated in the ’s presentation of the ruling.

Sources: Maggid Mishneh and Ma’aseh Rokeach, 21:18; , 82:8.

The Rebbe’s guidance: Learn in depth
Sources & editorial method

Hebrew text: Mishneh Torah, Hilchos Ishus, Chapter 21. The Hebrew is preserved as the primary text and divided into short learning units.

Translation and elucidation: Independently prepared for Rambam, Clearly in contemporary English. Translation follows the Rambam’s words; elucidation supplies only the context needed to understand them.

Word cards and glossary: Hebrew word cards distinguish a word’s basic meaning from its meaning in the particular phrase. Shared glossary entries explain recurring terms; biography entries identify the cited authorities.

Explain and Background: Explain provides context needed for the ruling. Optional Background panels provide additional context that can be skipped without losing the essential explanation.

Synopsis: A short summary follows each halachah. It is a guide to the central ruling, not a replacement for the full text and its qualifications.

Dig Deeper: Based on the classic commentaries named inside each panel. Editorial explanations are not presented as quotations.

Live It: Where present, these panels connect a particular halachah to a suggested personal reflection and an action to try. Original applications are labeled as suggested reflections. They are distinct from the ruling and are not attributed to the Rebbe merely because his guidance supports seeking a practical lesson.

Measurements: Modern equivalents draw on Chabad.org’s measurement glossary and cited halachic calculations. They show a range when major accepted calculations differ. Monetary equivalents fluctuate with the price of silver.

The Rebbe’s teachings and guidance: Source links accompany the completion teachings and the guidance inside Dig Deeper and Live It. Quotations, translations, and adaptations are identified; the general guidance is separate from the sources for a panel’s particular discussion.

Editorial responsibility: Created and prepared for this project by Levi Gelb. Corrections and suggestions can be submitted below. This presentation supports learning; practical halachic questions should be brought to a qualified rav.

Chapter 21 at a glance

Household responsibilities and care

Local custom and household means affect a wife’s duties. The chapter also distinguishes personal services, nursing obligations, and the support and residence of children after divorce.

  • A husband is entitled to his wife’s eligible finds and earnings. Local custom determines her work; where all the listed occupations are customary, he may require only wool spinning.
  • Having one maidservant, or the means to obtain one, exempts the wife from four household tasks. Having two, or the means to obtain two, also exempts her from cooking and nursing.
  • The Sages exempted a wife from paying for utensils broken during her household work, so that fear of liability would not impede the work and undermine peace at home.
  • A divorced mother ordinarily chooses whether to nurse for payment. If the child recognizes and depends on her, she must continue nursing for payment until the age of twenty-four months because separating them could endanger the child.
  • A divorced mother receives nursing payment and provisions for the child, but not maintenance as a wife. A son may remain with her until he reaches age six while his father supports him; afterward, the permits the father to condition support on the son living with him. A daughter generally remains with her mother beyond six, subject to the court’s assessment of her welfare.
פרק כא

End of chapter.

You have reached the end of all eighteen halachos.